Saturday, May 16, 2009

Government Dictionary

So, as a sort of 'sequel' to my earlier post, Congressional Code, here, for your hilarious enjoyment, I give you the Government Dictionary!

Disclaimer: this document is entirely fictional, and is only indicative of my political views, not necessarily those of Obama, Souter, Bugs Bunny, or any other government employee. Thank you.

Constitution-n. (con-sti-too-shun) Refers to a document written in 1780-something, which allegedly details what the government does. It has been relegated to the Vault, known to lie somewhere in Disney Land.

Constitutionalist-n. (con-sti-too-shun-i-lust) Refers to a group of people that follow the Constitution. Also see Terrorist, Constitution.

Corruption-v. (co-rup-shun) Refers to a system whereby individuals, usually within government circles, receive money and/or goods and services for voting for or against certain things, and/or saying/thinking certain things.

Democrat-n. (dem-o-crat) A collective body of supposed individuals who, while they believe they think for themselves, are actually quite integrated into the System.

Federal Reserve Bank-n. (fed-ur-el-re-zer-ve-bank) A privately owned banking company that is in charge of all printing and distribution of funds in the United States of America.

Independent-n. (indu-pen-dent) Someone who is, well, independent; aka Them. They are uncontrollable, hence they must be regarded as dangerous. Also see Terrorist.

Libertarian-n. (lib-er-tear-ien) One of Them. Otherwise known as The Others, The Crazies, or other assorted terms. These people are extremely dangerous, because they actually think. Also see Terrorist.

Party-n. (pa-rt-y) An organization of individuals, thinking or not, who follow a certain doctrine. Exceptions: Independents.

President-n. (prez-i-dent) The individual in charge of the executive branch of the government of the United States of America. Usually a member of either major Party, the President spends his or her time signing checks and thousand-page pieces of legislation, in between giving speeches and being the leader of the free world.

Republican-n. (re-pub-li-can) A collective body of supposed individuals who, while they believe they think for themselves, are actually quite integrated into the System.

Stimulus-n. (stim-u-luss) Refers to a process whereby various amounts of money are sent out to various private businesses, from another private business, by the government, to stimulate the Economy. Also see Federal Reserve Bank.

System-n. (si-stum) Refers to the way things are done by the propagators of the System- otherwise referred to as politicians or Party men.

Terrorist-n. (tear-o-rist) Someone who does not agree with the current administration and/or policies. Sometimes referred to as dissidents, reactionary elements, Them, or Libertarians.

Them-n. (them) 'Them' refers to the assorted independent parties that have sprung up in America.

The People-n. (thu-pe-pull) Refers to a group of people, composing roughly 99.9% of the population of the United States of America, who reside within the borders of the United States of America, and owe allegiance to various Parties and, in many cases, the System.

2 comments:

Bethany said...

oh my word! I laughed through the whole thing! :)
~Bethany~

Eärwen said...

That's FUNNY!!

In a sad sort of way, though...