Dear Nations of the World-
We would like to extend a thank you for some things. For starters, thank you for letting us shelter our delusion that we are still the top dogs of the universe. You can't know how important that makes us feel. We enjoy knowing that at any given time, we will be able to mandate our will upon you, the ignorant, unwashed masses of the globe.
We also thank you for humbly submitting to our occupation of your countries. We know that Germany has not been in the grasp of a tyrannical dictator for sixty years, and we also recognize that Iran just might feel threatened by the American military bases surrounding it, but really, we thank you for giving us the benefit of the doubt on that matter.
We also thank you for cooperating with our imperialistic vision of the world. Once again, being able to occupy your countries even in a state of peace makes us feel very important and as if we were actually doing something to contribute to peace.
Because of your humble, honest cooperation we can all have peace, regardless of whatever arrogant dishonest drivel comes out of our leaders' mouths. Peace is good. Peace is our friend.
Understandably, we also thank you for the right you have reserved to us- the right to crush you if you trespass on any statute of our very important, as yet unspoken, American-world treaty. However, we can sincerely say that we have not had many problems with you.
And so, we can all dance and sing kumbaya in the peace and serenity that comes with cooperation. Thank you.
The United States of America
(Note- this letter is not real, however IMO it conveys the view of our current foreign policy.)