Monday, October 12, 2009

To the Nations of the World

Dear Nations of the World-
We would like to extend a thank you for some things. For starters, thank you for letting us shelter our delusion that we are still the top dogs of the universe. You can't know how important that makes us feel. We enjoy knowing that at any given time, we will be able to mandate our will upon you, the ignorant, unwashed masses of the globe.

We also thank you for humbly submitting to our occupation of your countries. We know that Germany has not been in the grasp of a tyrannical dictator for sixty years, and we also recognize that Iran just might feel threatened by the American military bases surrounding it, but really, we thank you for giving us the benefit of the doubt on that matter.

We also thank you for cooperating with our imperialistic vision of the world. Once again, being able to occupy your countries even in a state of peace makes us feel very important and as if we were actually doing something to contribute to peace.

Because of your humble, honest cooperation we can all have peace, regardless of whatever arrogant dishonest drivel comes out of our leaders' mouths. Peace is good. Peace is our friend.

Understandably, we also thank you for the right you have reserved to us- the right to crush you if you trespass on any statute of our very important, as yet unspoken, American-world treaty. However, we can sincerely say that we have not had many problems with you.

And so, we can all dance and sing kumbaya in the peace and serenity that comes with cooperation. Thank you.

The United States of America

(Note- this letter is not real, however IMO it conveys the view of our current foreign policy.)

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1 comment:

Christopher said...

Wow! Set me up with Obama if you can catch him again. I understand he's on a busy schedule, however. My dad's friend is the headmaster of the school Obama's children were about to go to, and my faithful Democrat mother keeps hoping he'll set us up with Obama. That's gonna happen. "Mr. President, three terrorists have recently bombed the Pentagon." "Sorry, my friends. I am currently have dinner with a family of upper-middle class people I've never met." Yeah, it's not gonna happen unless one of us gets cancer or something and meeting Obama is our dying wish.

Interesting debate. I kind of thought refusing to answer questions was the amusing game of all politicians, Palin namely, but I guess you're right. Although I think Obama would have been made more life-like if you could hear his inflections at the end of every sentences, and maybe if you didn't put so many words in his mouth, I won't argue too much. But I will say that Obama never suggested we move past the Constitution. He simply suggested that old traditions don't fit with today's society. In the 1700s, the Anti-Federalists brought up a similar debate and it sounded tyrannical for people like Madison to respond that certain traditions don't fit today's society. But they were right. Change isn't always bad. I might also mention that Obama rarely dodges question like you suggested. If anyone can accuse him of anything that has at least some origin, it would be that he is smaller than his words. Either way, he does talk well.

But again--interesting interview. I think Fox would be very proud.